Demystifying puberty

As a reminder, this blog does not provide any medical advice, just my mommy opinion.  Please talk to your child's pediatrician about any questions you may have.

My daughter is almost one. When I look into her innocent eyes a part of me wants her to remain exactly where she is. The other part of me is enjoying watching her grow, change and evolve. Regardless, someday soon, she will reach the period of adolescent evolution that we call puberty. 

This is what most of us think about when we hear the word puberty:

Most of us, remember silly anecdotes of puberty from our own adolescence. Being physically and socially awkward was what my favorite 80's movies were about.

So here are some reminders of what is happening to your child outwardly.

With girls, their bodies start to change between 8 to 13 years of age. 

Initially, you may notice their breasts starting to form followed by sparse pubic hair. Later, you'll notice a little hair under the arms or body odor. The average female starts menstruation at around 12 years. Generally, your daughter's growth spurt occurs before menstruation.

It is important to remember that every child is different, and can vary from the listed above. If your child, has any signs of puberty before 8 or has not started menstruation by 15, contact your child's pediatrician. 

For boys, the process begins a little later than girls usually between 9-14 years. Initially, the testes increase in size, later the penis increases and then pubic hair arrives.  You may note hair under the arms, and as he progresses he may develop acne and voice changes. Girls usually get their growth spurt earlier than boys of the same age. Just remember, to contact your child's doctor for any questions.

Back to those 80's teen movies. They did a great job of demonstrating the awkwardness of the teen years. But, it is important for parents to recognize the psychosocial impacts of puberty. 

The cognitive development of teen is divided into early (11-13years), middle (13-15) and late (15+) adolescence. It is important to recognize that most teens struggle with the search for independence,their own identity and the need to be "normal".  That need to be "normal"often leads teens to act with their peers, even when they know better.  Teens influence other teens, so know who your child is befriending.  That last sentence is worth repeating. Your teens greatest influence is other teens, so get involved in their life and know who their friends are.

Adolescence is also a time when teens start to exhibit risk taking behaviours, experimenting with sex, drugs, and smoking. Teens struggle with their sexual identity as well. Unfortunately,  teens often do not understand the consequences of their spontaneous behavior. So, talk to your teen, and guide them about how they will handle situations where they are faced with choices about sex and drugs. Teens are often left with less parental supervision as they move towards adulthood. But it seems to me, this is a period of change, where parental supervision is he most important.

All of this leads me stress the importance of communication. You need to communicate often, early and clearly with your teen.  Schools, doctors and family are important tools to help the parent as part of the communication process. But, parents are always around, and know their teens. That is why it is important to have the conversation about puberty and all that comes with it often and at an early age.  If you are comfortable discussing puberty with your teen, your teen may eventually become comfortable discussing it with you as well. Instead of waiting for your teenager to ask you about sex, drugs, and all those taboo topics, you, the parent should start the conversation.  Other problems which appear around adolescence include, depression and eating disorders.

Puberty is an ongoing process, so the dialogue around it should be ongoing as well.  Instead of just "one" conversation about puberty,  go to the library, check the Internet,  and get information together to learn about puberty together.  Talk about her fears, pressures of being a teen, long term goals, short term goals. This openness will allow you to understand how to guide your teen. When in doubt, seek professional help.

This is how we should be thinking about puberty and all the changes that come with it with the bulk of the responsibility on families.

                                   

For links to helpful information on this topic click on www.thedrmommy.blogpspot.com and scroll to the bottom of the post.

www.kidshealth.org

www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/puberty/cfm

www.familydoctor.org/onling/famdocen/home/children/parents/parents-teens/445.html

Books:

Age: 6-10  

Where do babies come from? by Ruth S. Hummel

Age 9-12

It's Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing up, Sex, and Sexual Health; by Robie Harris; 

Age 13-18

The Underground Guide To Teenage Sexuality; An Essential Handbook for Today's Teens & Parents, by Michael Basso

Remember, get them involved in the search, you don't have to have all the answers, pick up a book and learn together.