"Never Say, Never"--- trite or true?

"Never Say, Never"--- trite or true?

For the many years my husband and I were known as DINKS-- (double income, no kids).
This meant we like 2 single people who just happened to be married. We would work hard during the week, both of us, full time pediatricians.
The weekend would roll around and we morphed into adult toddlers, enjoying breakfast, lunch and dinner out with friends, weekends spent where ever and however, and vacations traveling to exotic destinations. And oh yes, my favorite part, guilt-free, no need to discuss it with the hubby, shopping.
Yes, we lived like a "Sex and the City" episode, only happily married,sans kids.

Then, with a dramatic and unplanned C-section our beautiful little girl arrived and turned our lives upside down. Most people expect that. What I didn't expect was re-learning everything I knew about being a parent and a baby doctor.
So, this blog is about me, Dr mommy, and everything that comes with a little knowledge and deconstructing the "rules". No medical advice dispensed , just my mommy opinion.

Before, I became a mommy, a good friend said, "never, say never" when it comes to your kids. Well, I wasn't so sure. After all, there are so many "nevers" when it comes to kids. At work and home I believe in moderation, but really ..there are some good nevers out there-- never talk to strangers, never talk back to your parents, never yell at the kids... etc....
As a one week old infant, my daughter behaved like a typical textbook baby. She lost weight the first few days, became jaundiced, nursed poorly and kept us up all night for fear that we were not feeding her enough. Ok, I could handle that. I had a comic hero style supportive husband who keeps life light and fun. Plus, I am fortunate to be blessed with devoted parents and parent in-laws too! The sleep deprivation did not seem so bad at first, all the hormones I suppose.
By 6 weeks, the family and their helping hands returned to their own homes. Baby daddy went back to work. Which left me and my little dhingaloo (hindu slang for precious baby doll) all alone at home.
Day one by myself, I thought, "I can do this mommy thing alone." I thought-- I have been around kids my entire adult career (8 or so years), I take care of 30 patients and their families a day. I dispense medication, counsel families and keep up with my medical journals. I never thought, all day at home with a baby would be too hard. Actually, I thought I might have free time while the baby slept to enjoy some of my hobbies.
But, day one, without family, I was still in my pj's at noon. I had been up since 8am and sleep deprived (after many middle of the night feeds). I hate being in my pj's until noon because I just feel dirty. Pre-baby I went to the gym, showered and dressed within the hour. I am one of those. The kind that makes the bed as soon I as I jump out. Yes, it is a compulsion, probably what allowed me to get thru medical school.

Anyway, I think I was in my pj's the whole day. I would never do that, not even if I was sick. All alone, trying to figure out how to bathe, pee, eat and make dinner between the 4 daylight hours left after breast feeding and diapering the dhingaloo. I had to call baby daddy who was busy at work for advice on how to do these things. I never thought I would have difficulty figuring out these tedious issues. Finally, I had to resort to calling my friends (most of them are mommies already) for advice. I slyly asked them how they managed to pull these chores off. Of course, I didn't want to let on that despite being a pediatrician, I had never thought about how a new mom takes her 6 week old infant grocery shopping. I mean I had seen a ton of infants at the store, but never paid attention to how they were toted.
Why didn't anyone tell me that being a mommy was hard mind numbing work?

As a pediatrician, at work, we often joke about how so many parents should have obtained a license to procreate. And here I was, MD and all, wondering, if I am so overwhelmed, with a loving husband, supportive family and tons of friends, how crazy are my patients lives?

And why, why didn't anyone tell me that breast feeding is harder than medical school? I mean, every 2 hours, from start to finish only leaves you an hour between feeds after a 30minute feed, burping and diaper changes!

So here is my advice to new and old parents:

1.) Definitely, "never, say never"-- especially not to your kids.

2.) Use your family and friends for whatever help they offer ( previously, I never wanted help/interference)

3.) Never discount anyone advice, if it doesn't apply yo you discard it. (Most advice from mom's I have found useful in some form)

4.) I never thought I would pick up a dirty pacifier from the floor and hand it to my child, but you do what you have to sometimes.

5.) I never thought I would still be breastfeeding at 6 months post partum. ( I am a pediatrician, I know its great for the baby, blah blah blah,)
But here I am, 9 months later, still doing it. Not sure that I enjoy it, and not sure that I don't either.

As I write this, I am filled with conflicting emotions-- Mostly, I love being a mom, but sometimes I am so exhausted I need to scream.

That said, my daughter is 6 months old now, and I can see myself doing it all over again, and loving every minute, but realistically only a minute later.

So here I am, the beginning of my re-education.

Confession of a Dr Mommy